My Letter to Santa
Hey, Santa.
It's me Mica. I'm sending you this email because last year I wrote to Rudolph and he didn't respond. So this year, I thought I'd write to you instead. You seem all jolly and like you'd write back (unlike a certain reindeer that I won't name -- his name starts with "R" and I named him in the sentence before this one)... so here goes it.
Question #1:
Why is Rudolph such a jerk?
Last year I wrote Rudolph an email asking him 10 simple questions. It would have taken him 15 minutes to answer. Anyway, he never responded. I mean, just because he was born with a big, bright, shiny red nose doesn't mean he has the right to ignore me. I pay my taxes!
Question #2:
Do you have a problem with my cookies?
One time in 1999, I made the most deliciously awesome peanut butter cookies -- I made up the recipe myself! I went to bed and left them out for you. And, when I woke up, they were still sitting there. But you drank all of the milk that I left for you and you finished the Wahoo Punch in the fridge. So, I just wanna know WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY COOKIES?
Question #3:
What's your REAL name?
So, you go by Kris Kringle, St. Nick, AND Santa Claus. Why do you have three names? It's kinda weird and kinda suspicious. I mean I only have one name. That's all you really need. And, don't you have to be dead to be a saint?
Question #4:
Where did you get your elves? I need some.
Question #5:
Does Mrs. Claus have a Facebook account? 'Cuz I just got a friend request from her online and I'm not sure if it's real.
Question #6:
Are you Rudolph's boss? 'Cuz I would like to officially file a complaint against him for not responding to my email last year. I can understand he can't type (due to his hooves and all), but I'm sure one of your elves could've helped him. You guys only work like one month a year, right? If you are not Rudolph's boss, could you please send this email to human resources or give me the number to the North Pole Crisis Hotline?
Thanks, Santa. Talk to you soon.
PS: Why do you always wear the same red suit? Have you ever thought about wearing just shorts and a hat? I think about that all the time
